Have you ever struggled with perfectionism?? It's a nasty habbit isn't it? It can steal from us if we let it. 🤯 It stole from me for years and now, I fight back!
For me, learning to paint took forever because I was so afraid and such a perfectionist. The funny thining is, I've been a beginner for a long time because I belived I needed to know how to paint before I actually learned. Funny huh?!
Somehow I thought it rational to pick up a pencil and render a perfect image. Some people definitely start with more skill than others, yet still, my expectation of myself was harsh and it set me up for failure. Big failure. So much so that I was desperate to create and at the same time, creating was torture because I never measured up to the image I wanted for myself.
Even though tortured, I would try and quit art over and over. One negative word or look from someone about my creation would send me into a downward spiral. I remember having what I would consider a breakthrough while painting once. My brush flowed and I got lost in the moment as I painted my very first landscape of red desert rocks.
It was definitely an impressionistic piece, nothing was perfect yet I loved it! That is until I showed it to someone close to me and their reaction to it was palatable , they didn't understand it or like it, I knew their facial expressions and lack of words all too well. It wasn't long after they left that I mentally wrote my piece off as 'no good'. Shortly after, I gave it away during a garage sale. I could feel my heart stir as it left my mind reassured me that I was doing the right thing because after all, art that isn't 'good' is discardable.
How wrong my younger self was. if I met her today, I would give her a big hug and remind her that she was a beautiful soul, no matter what she did or didn't produce. I would hug her so hard that she'd believe she was loved and didn't have to attain perfection or be swayed by the freely given opinions of everyone around her.
Thankfully, the idea of perfection is not on my current radar (or at least I remove it if it tries to shows up), I've finally embraced the journey, the welcomed failures and I try to practice playing while not worrying about the end results or what others may think of my art.
I desire to grow in my skills but I'm not a fine artist yet. I choose to enjoy and celebrate the process of growth and I will share even the ugly stages with you so you can have a little bit of hope in whatever art or life journey you are on.
What about you? Are you familiar with the ugly stages in your own learning journey? How do you treat yourself when you are your art feels a little disheveled like it might not measure up? Have you ever avoided creating (or living) because you didn't think you were creative, good enough or you were afraid it wouldn't turn out?
If you wish you could paint or express yourself creatively, you can! If you wish to grow out of some painful habits or past you can do that as well! I am living proof! The ugly stage always becomes a part of the beautiful finished piece when we allow it to. I promise! Today is always a great time to start new!☺️
Thanks for sharing this space with me! Sally